Twelfth Letter
by ItsLukasBondevik
Summary: Sometimes, the hardest thing for someone is finding a reason to let go. For me, the hardest thing was finding a reason to hold on. [LxOC] [R&R Please]
1. A is for Abandoned

**Title**: Twelfth Letter

**Author**: Hitachiin Hikaru

**Fandom**: Death Note

**Rating**: "T" for language and death

**Genre**: Mystery/Romance

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any part of Death Note, including characters, cities, towns, scenarios, titles, or anything else about it you can think of. I just want to express my creative intent with this fic.

**Summary**: Sometimes, the hardest thing for someone is letting go. For me, the hardest thing was holding on to the few wisps of memories I had left of him. LxOC R&R Please

**A/N**: Ahem. Now, this just popped into my head during geometry, and I spent the whole 1h30m period writing this down. Got like eight pages written. Hope you enjoy. I don't believe that Daydream is a real band, but it might. If so, I don't own it…

Chapter 1: A is for Abandoned

As a matter of fact, that's what happened. Horrible as is it sounds, it's one hundred percent the truth. At the age of eight months I was left alone in front of an Elizabeth Amand's Home for Orphaned Children in Pennsylvania, where the people say "wooter" not water, and "Flarida" instead of Florida. The place didn't suit me at all, since my parents were alive and well, I just wasn't with them. I don't remember any of it, since I was barely an infant at the time, but the caretakers, a sweet woman and her husband, told me I was left in half a milk jug covered in blankets on the doorstep. Isn't that cheery?

I grew up for fourteen years in the orphanage, but I chose to be a loner and refused to talk to anyone, though Mrs. Amand was the only one that really understood. I was traumatized, obviously, because I had found out why I was here, how my parents had carelessly cast me aside in lieu of having to take care of me themselves. I refused to trust the adults because I didn't know if they were planning on tossing me out sometime soon, and I didn't want to make any friends because I couldn't know if they were going to leave and get adopted in the near future. It was a struggle, waking up every morning to know that no one would be there for me, but I couldn't help that.

I kept myself occupied in my room by listening to music and tuning my voice, singing being one thing that was very fun for me, precious, and kept me happy. I loved to sing, but I only did it when I was alone, because I knew I wasn't very good, but that's okay. It was very enjoyable!

But, as time flows, a new teenager was accepted into the orphanage, one that I couldn't tear my fourteen-year-old eyes away from.

_He had bright, inquisitive gray eyes and black hair that was swept messily around his head. He had no socks or shoes on, but I would learn later that such a choice was personal preference, not lack of any to wear. He wore a white shirt and jeans that seemed hastily thrown on, and he was being led my Mr. Amand into the lunchroom where I stood, my cassette player softly playing some rock and roll in the background. "Fall." I jumped at the sound of my name and looked over at him, biting my lip, a habit that I just couldn't break. I walked over to him, too nervous to say a word and stood before him. "Fall, I was wondering if you could show this young man to his room? And give him the tour of the grounds, I know you know them better than this old man." I nodded and motioned for the boy to follow me, taking a piece of paper from the Mr. Amand's hand and noting the number on it. _

_Nervously, I asked him, "Um…" My voice cracked from lack of use. "Follow me… please."_

_He smiled kindly at me and replied, "Okay." I flushed in embarrassment, and I didn't know why… it just seemed like a proper response. I followed those rooms, and was at his in less than a minute. "Thanks Fall."_

_I nodded and tugged at the hem of my shirt, watching the ground shyly. I was never good around people, boys especially. "You're welcome…erm, I don't know your name…"_

"_L."_

_I blinked and watched him with an incredulous expression, trying to see if he was serious or not. "That's not a real name. That's a letter after K."_

_He pressed a thumb to his bottom lip and retorted, a smile tugging at his mouth, "Well yours isn't either. Fall comes after summer." I blinked and smiled, almost laughing at his response. He was right. That was my first stumble upon with the teen known as L, though what that stood for or why it was his name I couldn't say. Though everyday I would try to find him and hang out with him, my encounters showed me that he was quite intelligent. He would pick up the newspaper everyday after the caretakers were done reading it and flip through it, telling me the interesting things going on._

_Even though he loved to read, he never hesitated to come outside when I begged him to. Mostly I'd pick flowers while he watched, telling me what each bud was, and accept the bouquet I made for him gratefully every time. I didn't know what he did with them, cause I never saw them in the trash or anything. Maybe he gave them away or something. I had no clue. One time, I was even brave enough to ask him, quite timidly however, if he would like to hear me sing. "I've been practicing for a long time," I had assured him._

_He agreed like a good sport, and while I was performing he didn't even have a look of disgust or anything on his face. Just that cute smile, sitting on his chair with his knees curled to his chest and his hand on his mouth. When I was finished, he told me, although I believed him to be lying, that I was the best singer he'd ever heard. In gratitude, I had hugged him tightly around the neck, and planted a kiss on his cheek. Unfortunately, though that was the best day of my life, it was also the worst._

_I knew all the fun things must come to an end; I didn't believe ours would ever, not in a million years. But because a man came to Elizabeth Amand's, that forced ours to a sudden standstill. I remember that day so clearly in my mind, the day when Quillish Wammy came, offering a place in his orphanage for gifted children. And I knew exactly whom they wanted the moment I heard those words. I met up with L before anyone else did._

"_L, they're going to take you away from me!" I cried the moment I saw him, confusing him. Obviously he wouldn't know what I was talking about just yet…_

Sometimes, the hardest thing for someone is letting go. For me, the hardest thing was holding on to the few wisps of memories I had left of him. But when he left to go to that orphanage for intellectually inclined children, my memories just faded of their own accord. Only two full memories remained, and one was the day I sang for him and he had to go.

The other, I remembered, was when he told me that when he became a wonderful and great detective he would find my parents for me. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he contradicted me. He told me that, "_Any parent that willingly abandons their child is one of the worst criminals. My parents died, so they have an excuse, but yours… that's just terrible._" But… if he didn't even bother to talk to me, how could he ever know?

I ran a brush through my ebony hair while watching my face in the mirror. I had black eyes, though with my new contacts, which were green, they looked kind of gray, and my bangs were nose length, pushed to the sides of my face, while the rest was shoulder. I didn't like to have it down, so I pulled it out of my face into a ponytail on the back of my head. I wore a maroon school uniform with a white undershirt and bow around the collar. The skirt was rather short, so I wore shorts underneath and black shoes with white knee socks. I had a job to go to, I was twenty-four after all, but I really, truly didn't need it. It was just a safe front.

I didn't know why I was mulling over the past, and close friendships broken. All it did was pull on my pain of being abandoned once again. He could've stayed, but he chose to leave me all alone. Like my parents did. Even his letters did nothing to cheer me up, and soon he simply stopped writing them. I guess I wasn't an interesting enough person to keep in touch with after ten years of being separated, in fact, he probably didn't even know I was famous. I had a World Tour going on right now, so I was in Japan for two concerts over the span of two months, and I would be here for about four to get some sightseeing done. Japan's my last stop before heading back to the States, so I had time. Hey, maybe when I retire I'll live here permanently.

A couple of months after L left for England, I was adopted by a rich businessman and his wife, and they moved me to California, far away from Elizabeth Amand's in Philadelphia. There, I learned to speak Japanese, and got my first record deal as a rock and roll singer for the Japanese band Daydream. Maybe an adventure outside of the States would get my mind off of my wonderful, smart little friend, so I accepted the offer for the tour. Picking up my purse, I exited out of the apartment I was staying in and headed down the steps of the complex, turning the corner to get to my workplace, a candy store. Despite being famous, I still liked to go to work. I mean, there was nothing wrong with doing some honest work, was there? Besides, I gave most of the money to charity anyway. The job was just to get crazy stalkers off my tail, because what self-respecting vocalist would have a normal job? Besides me.

I liked my job, it was a quaint little candy store, and there weren't too many people, so they didn't ask many questions, or harp on me too much for autographs or what not if they did find who I was. But what I didn't like was being forced to pass M. University to get there, because some of the boys there could be really rowdy and flirtatious. To some girls that might be fine, but it really bothered me because I wasn't really into boys.

Keeping my eyes on the sidewalk as I passed, I prayed that they would pay me no mind as I went by. Thankfully they did, and I glanced up to see if anyone was there. Only one person at the moment, sitting at a picnic table in the front of the dorms. He had his legs pressed up against his chest, and a hand pressed to his mouth as he read quickly through a textbook on the table. The stance was so familiar that I almost fell over in shock. I did drop my purse, and that's exactly what caught his previously enraptured attention. He blinked his wide, dark gray eyes and turned to face the noise, and I saw with a blush that he noticed me staring at him with a dropped jaw.

Swallowing with difficulty, I gathered up my fallen possession and ran from the sidewalk, wanting to get to safety of the candy store as soon as possible. I didn't want to tear my heart out any further than I already had.


	2. B is for Bothersome

Chapter 2: B is for Bothersome

Basically, I was being an idiot. Could this possibly be the one I was looking for? He seemed like it, but I wasn't totally convinced. Why on earth would he be in Japan if he moved to England? I should have been paying attention to my job, but I couldn't get that guy off my mind. He had the same messy air about him as L did, and he sat in the same curled up position, with his oral fixation. "L," I whispered, staring at my cash register not really seeing it.

"Wake up Turner-san," my boss said suddenly. I jumped and glanced up, seeing the old lady's kind face watching mine in amusement. "This is no time for dilly-dally." But the clock soon struck four, and my shift for the day was over. I sighed at the walk home, hoping I wouldn't see that boy down by the University. I didn't want to drop my purse again, I might actually break something this time. That's what I kept telling myself anyway. If I were truthful with myself, I wanted to see him again with all of my heart; I just didn't know if my heart could take it. Walking down the aisle, I passed by all of the other workers and through the front doors outside. I avoided all the other people like usual, and turned down the sidewalk.

Instinctively, I looked back to the picnic table to see if he might be there again, and sighed, whether in relief or disappointment I don't know, when I didn't see him. My stride became stronger but someone called out to me, "Excuse me, Onee-san (Miss)?" I nearly tripped on my face, but someone grabbed my arm and kept me from hurting myself. I counted very slowly to ten and gulped, hoping I was imagining things. Finally, I opened my eyes and looked up at my savoir, and saw with dread it was that L look alike. I glanced back to the ground, and saw that he was wearing shoes, though the laces weren't tied. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

My mouth didn't seem to want to work, so I stood there gaping at the boy with red cheeks. _No you don't know me from anywhere. Okay, crazy person?_ "That's the oldest pickup line in the book," I managed to stammer out, yanking my arm from his grip and walking jerkily down the sidewalk. _Please don't follow me, please don't follow me, please…_ My luck's not that great, I realized forlornly when he quickly caught up with me as I walked.

"It wasn't one. Tell me, what's your name?" He sounded vaguely frustrated, and I turned to look at him with a slightly afraid expression. I didn't want to get him mad. I didn't know if he was some sort of psycho stalker or something, and I bit my lip out of habit. That motion turned his aggravated expression to a surprised one, and smiled knowingly. His new face looked slightly more accommodating now, though as I looked closer he had dark bags under his eyes, and the grayish color of his eyes seemed slightly familiar. _This can't be… can it?_

I couldn't know for sure, but I couldn't, under any circumstances, tell this man my real name. He may not recognize my face, but he could my name, and then I'd be in a world of hurt. Fans'll do anything, even in broad daylight. Like ask me to sign their butts. I shuddered. That was one experience I could forget, thanks. "Yamato Suzume," I lied to him, smiling an innocent smile.

I didn't miss the look of disappointment on his face, and I cocked an eyebrow. "Ah, okay. Never mind then." He went back to his books and I watched him for a moment, confused. His posture was so eerily uncanny that I couldn't take my eyes away. Biting my lip harder out of habit, I tried to hold back the urge to call out the letter that I had known my friend by, and turned on heel to get out of there.

The next five weeks I saw nothing of that L look-alike, though I couldn't tell if I was grateful or sad. But the most mysterious things kept getting reported on the news, which kept my mind off of him for a little while. Criminals were randomly dying of heart attacks. Like, all of them, in rapid succession. It was so weird. "Fall-chan, what are you doing, watching TV? You have a concert to get ready for!" I jumped out of my seat and looked at my producer shamefacedly. I had gotten lost in the news that I had forgotten to go meet her. But this was such a strange case, that I just wanted to watch until the news was over; I wanted to figure out exactly what was going on.

You see, I had an unquenchable curiosity, which, as you could probably guess, did me more harm than good. I was nosy, and I loved to figure stuff out. It made me feel proud that I had done something without anyone's help. Which, for me, was a big thing, because I had help with everything due to my position. I didn't like it one bit; I was an independent person, and I liked to do things on my own whenever it was possible.

"Sorry Kouya-san. It's just that this is really interesting." Despite my words she gripped me by the arm and sigh good-naturedly, pulling me to get my hair and make-up done. The process was entirely natural to me, and I had been through it enough times to just forget where I was for a moment to think. What could be happening? My contemplation was brought to a shirt, however, when a particularly violent tug on my head pulled me from my thoughts, and I looked in the mirror. I grimaced. "Hey, why are you styling my hair like Misa Misa's?"

"Because you weren't paying attention while I was talking to you," my hair artist told me cheerfully, tugging at one of the pigtails in the side of my head. I glared at him and crossed my arms as he pulled them out, asking, "So you were watching the news then? About Kira?"

"Kira?" I asked, looking at him in the mirror. "What's a Kira? I'm not used to Japanese slang if that's what it is…" He chuckled at me, but didn't answer just yet, the comb in his mouth as he pulled my hair into a ponytail, leaving pieces dangle out intricately at the sides. Gatsuke was a master of the hair, and he could do anything you wanted with it, which is why I hired him. I wanted flamboyant, anime-styled hair for all of my concerts, and he could make it happen with his miracle fingers. "Gatsuke-san, you still haven't answered my question… What is a Kira?"

He pulled the comb out and told me, "Kira is what everyone on the Internet is calling him Fall-chan. The great savoir, killing all of the bad guys. Even some bad guys that weren't even in jail were found dead." I blinked. Kira? A fitting name I supposed, the Japanese sounding word for Killer, but I didn't know exactly why they were calling him a "savoir." These criminals were in jail to await their trials, which were the law. Vigilantes like this guy were going to get caught sooner or later, I knew, because this wasn't a cartoon. Someone could get seriously hurt, or a mistake could be made on Kira's part, and innocent lives could be at stake. _Are the police investigating this? Probably… hmm…_

I was snapped out of my stupor when someone yelled that I was on in a few minutes, it was a broadcasted concert, and I ran out of the room in a hurry. "I'm coming!" I called, grabbing my microphone on the way out and my gothic styled gloves, slipping them on as I rushed onto the darkened stage. I saw my fans eagerly talking to each other, and I smiled, watching them as the techies got the lights ready to go. Putting the microphone up to my mouth, I asked into it, "Konnichiwa Nihon! Daijobu?" in the best Japanese I've had all day. Maybe there was something about being on stage that made me feel so at home, and made me feel so laidback and comfortable.

My manager told me I must've been born for the stage, because I was a complete natural at being in front of so many people. Maybe I was, all I knew was that it was like acting. Only I was being myself and doing what I loved to do, and pretending that the only audience I had was L sitting there listening to me sing.

The lights turned on and, as the crowd started to cheer, my concert began.

…**:oOo:…**

Two hours later I was sitting in my dressing room, drinking from a cold bottle of water and wiping my damp face off. I'll admit, that even though concerts were butt loads of fun, they could be so taxing. I could barely move I was so tired, but I needed to leave or I'd never get home before midnight. My apartment was only a couple of blocks from here, so I calculated about a ten-minute walk if I hurried. I smiled. My warm bed seemed so inviting right then. I took my coat from the closet in my dressing room and slipped into it, and then outside into the chilly weather.

My boots thudded on the ground with each step, reverberating into the silent night air. It sounded slightly ominous to me, but then again, I'm kind of paranoid. But, as I would find out soon, I had very good reason to be. There weren't very many people on the streets, considering it was so late at night. In fact, the only person I passed was a kid, about college aged, with very light colored brown hair and tawny eyes, carrying a bag with a black notebook sticking out of the top. But he just walked by me without a single glance, which was good, because I didn't want any confrontations with anyone by this point. I might crack from the stress.

"Oi, sweetheart!" a voice called to me, and I was filled with a sense of overwhelming anxiety. I didn't see anyone else out here a minute ago besides that kid, where could he have come from? "C'mere a second." I turned to see a man waving to me from in front of a bar, which explained a bit, but I didn't want to cross the street, to him of all people. I kept walking forward and he snorted with laughter, only to catch up to me. It felt kind of familiar, though I realized it was the L clone incident that I was referring to. That particular event was something… though not enough to make me giddy, was something cheerful, for if it was who I thought it was, then he did remember me. This situation, though, was frightening me, because I knew what men like this liked to do, and I didn't want to be any part of it.

"Leave me alone," I warned him, putting my hands in front of me in a defensive position. I learned a little bit of how to defend myself from Gatsuke, who was a karate master something of a second degree black belt or whatever. I dunno, maybe I should have paid more attention to his lessons, because, man, I really could use them now.

That made him laugh harder. "C'mon sweets, I'll show ya a good time. Hows about it? Or does being famous make you too good for me, Fall Turner?" I could feel my face pale as he said my name. He knew who I was.

"No!" I turned to run but he grabbed my throat painfully, pulling a knife out of his coat and holding it against my skin threateningly. He cut me very little, but enough to get a trickle of blood to drip down my neck. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt my body shake with fear. I could hardly breathe as he held me against the wall, the knife threatening to kill me at any moment. "No…" I whimpered, and he cackled wickedly, causing me to bite my lip. I need something familiar to do, it gave me little comfort however. But, before either of us could say or do anything else, he dropped the knife and began to gag, and convulse on the ground. He fell away from me, and I backed away from him as he shuddered violently, white foam dripping from his mouth. As I watched on, I realized that before my very eyes, this man had died. "A heart attack?" I whispered, trying to stay the blood from my neck.

After a moment of sitting there in shock, I realized that Kira just saved my ever-loving life. Why else would he randomly have a heart attack right then, trying to do whatever it was he was trying to do? It seemed the rumors were quite true about this mystical killer, and I was extremely glad they were. "Kira…" I smiled a grateful smile, though I knew he would never see nor hear. "Thank you so much."

"He needed to die anyway…" a voice echoed back to me, and I jumped, looking around to see who on earth that could have been. No one was there, as far as I could see, which wasn't very far considering it was so dark outside at that moment. Maybe I was hallucinating from a near death experience, which was a completely logical reaction. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number for the police department, and told them where I was and what happened, and they came to get me.

After some interrogation I was free to go, and this time, I accepted a ride home.


	3. C is for Chaos

Chapter 3: C is for Chaos

Coming and going as they please, my memories haunt my awake hours or flicker through my mind while I'm asleep. And now that I've seen L again, if it was L, it's so much worse. Especially the feelings after he had left the orphanage. And my experience after my concert simply frightened me to no end, because what if someone else tried to do it again? I didn't know if I could quite handle another incident like that without breaking down. Did every celebrity go through something life threatening like that?

Sighing, I sat up in my bed and ran a hand through my hair, another sleepless night dragging down my morale to an almost infinitesimal level. I stumbled into my kitchen and prepared a bowl of cereal for myself, chewing sullenly on each mouthful. I was a contradiction, my whole life was, it seemed. Right now, I was in the high of my career, my stage-life, the number one female artist in the US. Ranked second hottest celebrity in Japan, under Misa-Misa, and I couldn't seem to be happy. I was at an all time low in my real life, it seemed, the lowest I've been since the day L had to leave for that Wammy house.

I was in a fix, because as much as I wanted to stay home and sulk, my final concert was that night, and I needed to get ready for that. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, I walked out the door in my sneakers and down the steps of the hotel. As I walked to the studio, I passed by To-Oh University, remembering how Gatsuke had told me that two students both got perfect scores on the test, which shocked me a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, just not a super genius like those two.

I entered the studio with a few hellos from my staff and friends, and, speak of the devil, Gatsuke grabbed my arms and cheered. "Fall-chan!" he practically yelled in my ear, and I winced, giving him a smile. "Guess what?"

"Nani?" I questioned, watching him in amusement. He hasn't looked this happy since he won a hairstyle contest.

"Kira is rallying more support! I'm a supporter, since he saved you, and I'm getting really excited about this!" I let out a laugh and gave him a hug, then walked back to my room.

**…:oOo:…**

I was vying to give Kira all of my own support, so an announcement at tonight's concert was the perfect place to show everyone my gratitude. It was all Gatsuke's idea, since I was so highly valued as an idol, which was news to me but he insisted it was true, and if it I liked it, then the audiences would too. Besides, this was my largest broadcasted concert ever, so a huge audience would be tuning in to see it. I picked up my microphone and walked out onto the stage, the crowd cheering madly.

Waving to them, I said, "Before we being this concert, there's someone I'd like to commend. A couple of months ago, I was assaulted, but the man died before he could do anything to me. So there's only one person that I owe my gratitude to, and here it is:

"I'm very grateful to Kira for saving my life." That one sentence created an unimaginable uproar thorough the viewers in Japan, more than I could have ever believed or imagined. My fans in the audience went absolutely wild, ecstatic that one of their idols saved another. I could barely get my concert started until all of the ruckus died down, but even then my heart wasn't truly in it. I wanted to figure out if this mysterious L was the one I had met back at Elizabeth Amand's. But, seriously, what were the odds of him **not** being the guy I knew? How many people seriously name their kids L? Well, how many people name their kids L to begin with?

After I finished my final number and an encore song, I waved to the audience, after catching a bouquet someone chucked at me, and walked off stage to my dressing room. I pushed my way through the media and adoring fans wielding backstage passes until I threw myself into the room and slammed the door shut with a sigh. Sometimes being famous was really, really aggravating. "I wish I could be famous like L," I sighed, making myself presentable for the backstage pass junkies.

**…:oOo:…**

I left the studio that night, exhausted and starving, heading back to my hotel room. I stumbled into the hotel itself and looked around, but only saw a bunch of men in black suits hurrying into the elevator. I rushed over and an older man with a moustache and glasses was kind enough to hold it open for me. "Thank you," I told him, bowing in respect, and stood a little apart from the professional looking men. They were slightly intimidating. I glanced to the floor buttons, and saw that they were going to the floor I was staying on and smiled. The ride was in silence, though a one of the men looked about ready to burst from trying to not say something he really wanted to.

Finally, just as the elevator doors were opening, he blurted, "Great concert, Fall-san. Daydream is an awesome band." The man looked excited, with moderately long black hair, and he was kind of cute. The older man who had held the elevator for me gave him a sideways glance, as if telling him to be quiet, and I was kind of confused. Though all dressed in suits like that, they seemed like FBI agents, or police officers.

Blushing and smiling, I replied, "Arigatou!" I bowed to him before walking quickly down the hallway, though it seemed like wherever they were going it was in the same direction as me. When I got to my room, they entered the one right across the hall from my own. I watched their door shut with a chuckle, opting to pretend that was L's base of operations, and I was mere feet from my best friend. This would have to be an extremely small world for that to happen, so I doubted it was true. Me being hopeful again, as usual. My luck wasn't nearly good enough for that to happen.

I slid my cardkey into the slot and entered my suite, dropping my duffel bag onto the floor by my bed. I flopped onto the soft covers and buried my face in my pillow, clutching it tightly to my face. _Just going to rest my eyes for a bit…_

A moment later I heard a frantic knocking at my door, and I turned to look sleepily at it. I almost had a heart attack when I saw that it was daytime out. I leapt out of my bed and tangled my feet in the sheets, falling to the floor in a heap, with my pillow landing on top of my head. The resounding thump was kind of embarrassing. "Damn it…" I cursed, extricating myself from my sheets and tossing the pillow at the opposite wall. The knocking still hadn't stopped since I had my little mishap, and I strode to the door and flung it open. "What the hell do you… want?"

The person wasn't looking as I opened the door, his attention was directed down the hall, and so he continued his tapping… on my forehead. I waited for a little bit to see if he would realize that I wasn't a door, but when he didn't I grabbed his hand to stop it. "I'm not the door," I informed him, putting my free hand on my hip. The man suddenly froze and then turned to look at me. It was the guy from the school that had said he'd known me from somewhere before, and I blushed. "It's… it's you!!"

"Fall Turner?" he questioned, and I nodded, feeling guilty for lying to him about my name before. My American name sounded so strange on his lips, for he pronounced it with Japanese inflection: "Faru Turuneru." He ousted his way into my suite and I watched him with surprise as he went to the chair in my living room and curled up on it, watching me intently. He just walked in without permission! How rude! I was sorely tempted to chastise him for so discourteous, but thought better of it. He, most likely, had a perfectly reasonable explanation for his intrusion.

I blinked. "Um, can I get you anything?" I asked uncertainly, standing at the door of the kitchen. I hadn't eaten any breakfast yet, and my stomach was growling angrily at me. He shook his head no and I nodded, taking the box of donuts from the top of my fridge for my own consumption, and walked back into the living room with them. I tossed them on the living room table, popping the lid open and taking one. The intruder watched the box for a moment considering whether or not he should take one even after he had said he didn't want anything. "Help yourself," I urged, licking crème filing from my lips. He pulled two out and began munching on one, contemplating.

Finally, he asked, "Kira saved your life?"

I blinked. _Why on earth does this guy care?_ "Yes, he did," I replied curtly, crossing my arms and cocking an eyebrow at him. He took another bite and chewed it for a moment, then swallowed and tapped his bottom lip. "Who are you?" I wondered, closing the cardboard doughnut box so he couldn't get another one and digress from the subject matter at hand. Besides, I've only had one so far and he's had four!

"A friend," he replied cryptically, licking his fingers in lieu of eating another delectable pastry.

I rolled my eyes. "That's not vague or anything," I muttered sarcastically, pulling the box out of his reach and into my lap. I looked at him closely, my eyes narrowed slightly, trying to get a better look at him. He was currently transfixed with his frosting covered fingers and didn't notice my appraising stare. He looked a lot like him; a ten year older him, but him nonetheless. I bit my lip. I didn't know what to believe anymore.

Finally he turned to me and asked, "Why do you do that?" I furrowed my brow in confusion." He elaborated, "Bite your lip."

"Habit. Why do you sit like that?" I retorted.

He smiled as he admitted, "Habit. And if I sit any other way, my reasoning goes down forty percent." We sat in silence for a moment, him rocking back and forth very slightly in his precarious position. Then he asked, "How?"

"How what?"

"Did Kira save you?"

I was starting to get mad. "Give me one good reason to tell a perfect stranger who randomly bursts into my house that!" I crossed my arms to show my annoyance and kicked the leg of the table lightly, peeved.

He watched me seriously. "Because I am the detective, L." That threw me off for a moment as I stared at him, shocked that he would admit such a thing. He didn't seem all too ruffled for revealing himself like that. The box of doughnuts slipped off my lap and I realized a second later that he had taken them to eat another one.

I gulped. "L?" He nodded and leaned back to put the box back on my lap, making his unstable situation that much more insecure. I watched him for a moment. "Do… do you remember me?"

That sentence caught his doughnut-captured attention, and he turned from the frosting to look at me. There was a moment of silence as my hopeful eyes met his wide ones. "I've never forgotten." I gaped at him as he licked the frosting from his lips.


	4. D is for Denial

Chapter 4: D is for Denial

_Damn it, damn it, damn it!_ I cursed at myself. It **was** him! The whole time! Here he was, I saw him twice! And I still didn't believe it was him! How could I be so stupid? "L's not a real name," I told him weakly, giving him a small smile. "It's the letter after K."

"Neither is Fall. It's the season after summer," he replied, popping the rest of his confection into his mouth. I took one for myself. "I would like to catch up, but you still haven't answered my question." That made all of the difference in the world now, since I knew who he was, and he remembered me. My heart felt a little lighter with that knowledge.

I nodded and smiled at him, narrating, "Well, I was walking home after my concert before last in the Kanto region, and while I was out, some thug was harassing me, and pulled out a knife on me." I bit my lip and gripped the edge of my seat in remembrance of the situation. "But before he could do anything, he died of a heart attack, just suddenly. The paramedics told me that he was relatively healthy, and too young to have one." I ran a hand through my black hair and shook my head. "It had to have been Kira." I didn't want to mention the voice that I heard, because it had to be a hallucination. "Wait, did you see my concert? How did you hear about that?"

I tried to picture him in a crowd of normal people, and it didn't quite work the way I planned. He shook his head no, and I waited for an explanation. "I watched it on TV however. I've seen all of your concerts, and I've bought your CD as well. I said you were a spectacular singer when we were younger, didn't I?" I laughed.

"Are you joking?" I asked him, but he still looked serious, and I had a hard time believing that he really listened to rock and roll. Especially me, of all artists. "If you knew it was me, why didn't you try to get in touch?" He was silent for a moment, running his finger through the bottom of the box and licking up the frosting and sprinkles that had fallen there.

L replied, putting his finger into his mouth and extracting it, perfectly clean, "I couldn't. I'm a detective, so I spend most of my time solving cases."

I questioned, "Are you on the Kira case?" He nodded. "Any leads yet?"

"One of my friends." He placed his hands on top of his knees and watched me with wide eyes. I was confused. Why would L be friends with someone he thought was Kira? I was lost. He saw what I was thinking in my expression, and told me bluntly, "You're still as naïve as you were when we were children."

I shot him a glare and slumped in my seat in a huff. "Sorry if I'm not some world class PI like you are, L." He smiled and stood up, heading for the door. "Hey, where are you going?" I leapt off my chair after him, beating him to the aperture.

"I'm on the Kira case Fall," he told me, ushering me aside. "I have to go back to work now." I sighed.

"Okay, just come back to visit when you can!" I ordered him, giving him a light punch in the arm. He nodded and walked out the door. It was only then I realized he wasn't wearing any socks or shoes. _Did he walk all the way here barefoot?_ I watched him go… right across the hall.

"Oh, and Fall," he said, looking unperturbed at my shock. "Call me Ryuuzaki from now on." I nodded dumbly as he shut the door, to his own suite, and I went back inside. Like a bomb, an explosion of giddy energy hit me, and I couldn't contain it. I grabbed my electric guitar from its stand and ran to my bed. I began to jump on it, rocking on the instrument and singing random lyrics that popped into my head.

I went like that for an hour or two, strolling around the suite and blaring the electric amp to its limits. I was finally asked to settle down by a hotel official, but I still needed to vent. I exited my hotel room in a blue and black jogging suit a minute later, and I nearly toppled over all of the men in black suits from the other day due to my recklessness. "Gomen!" I apologized to them, narrowly avoiding the lot.

They nodded and entered the room, only for the older man to come back out. "Fall-san?" he asked uncertainly. I blinked and walked over to him. "Hideki wanted me to give this to you."

He haled it out to me, and I frowned, taking the wrapped package from the man. I nodded and went back into my hotel room, tearing the wrapping from whatever it was. I smiled, and felt my heart race. It was a picture frame with a very old, faded picture of the two of us. It was the day I had decided to decorate his longish hair with flowers, and he just sort of sat there and let me do it, not really paying attention. I Mrs. Amand took that picture for me, if I recalled correctly. Included with the gift was a small note, and I read, "Keep this hidden, and allow no surveillance cameras to catch it on film." I furrowed my brow but agreed, hiding it in my clothing bag with my various rock costumes.

I watched the place I hid it with a smile, and, unable to contain myself any longer, I ran out of the room and knocked on L's. The man who had complimented me opened it, confused (I suppose he didn't know why L wanted the door to be answered), and looked shocked at who was knocking. I pushed past him into the room, and saw the detective viewing a good number of television screens, and ran over to him. "Arigatou, Hideki-kun!" I cheered, hugging him tightly around his neck, and nearly toppled him off the chair. I pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Everyone had stunned expressions on their faces, staring at L and myself. I untangled myself from him and stood up, clearing my throat in embarrassment. "You're quite welcome," he replied, taking a sip of his tea. I waved good-bye and jogged out, vaguely aware that he didn't wipe the shiny lip-gloss from his face yet.

…**:oOo:…**

For the next couple of days, whenever he could, L came across the hall to visit me, barefooted and slouched, as usual. Most of the time, we'd simply catch up on how our lives had gone, though L knew enough about me that he could write my biography if he felt like it. The main mystery, however, was his life. I didn't know anything about his life after he left for the Wammy house, because his letters had stopped after a while. I wrote it off that he wasn't interested in being my friend anymore, but he explained that he had simply lost time to write them. He apologized profusely for that, which made me feel guilty for doubting him.

I had only two concerts booked for my tour of Japan, but Kouya told me that the record company would like me to perform a couple more, since I was going to be here anyway. I wasn't sure if I wanted any more publicity, since I'd been getting crazy fan mail about how I should meet up with Kira, or asking if I endorsed what the "savoir" did. I didn't know quite how to respond to these letters, since I was torn between my best friend trying to catch him, and the man being the one who saved my life.

Actually, in all truthfulness, L had given me some warning advice. A week or two after he had given me that picture, he had walked into my room without even knocking, and I had been dressed in my pajamas and been eating a bowl of cereal.

"_Fall-san?"_

_I glanced up sleepily, and gave him a lopsided smile. "Good morning, Ryuuzaki-kun," I greeted, waving to him as he sat down. I watching him fidget for a moment, and gave him a concerned look. "Is everything okay?" He shook his head no, and slid a couple of pieces of paper towards me. I picked them up to read, and nearly choked on my cereal. They… they were Internet forums about me, and Kira. One of them stated, _Fall Turner is one of my favorite singers, like ever. Now that's she's into Kira, I'm totally for him

_Another one claimed, _Kira totally did not save Fall Turner. She's trying to get publicity now that Kira's so popular. What a load_. I winced, and read down the list, each one for or against my claim, and more than half for Kira. I supposed mentioning my support for the supernatural killer really wasn't the best idea in the world. Then, the longest one, a blog, caught my eye, and I read through it. _Fall Turner was definitely saved my Kira, she is in Japan right now, so that means there's a very good chance that it's true. Besides, why else would she give her full support for him? She's not the type to jump the bandwagon… But because she's into him, I think I will too_. "Wow…" I muttered, handing the sheets back to the detective._

"_From now on," he told me, leaving them where they lay, watching me intently, "I would advise saying nothing about Kira. People are very influenced by their idols, and saying that you are a fan of his will just rally him more followers." I nodded, and bit my lip, pulling at the hem of my skirt. I didn't know I had such a power of influence over people, but now that I was acknowledging it, did that make me conceited? I didn't want to have people unite for Kira because he had my gratitude, and that doesn't mean I'm some sort of crazy fan of his. I merely owed him for saving me._

"_L," I whispered, and he glanced to me sharply, making me realize my blunder. "Erm, Ryuuzaki-kun, I'm not really a fan of his, you know." His expression went from sharp to mildly surprised. "Between him, someone I don't know, and you, my best friend, I think I'll stick to L's side." L gave me a cute smile, and nodded._

That was a few weeks ago, and I had held true to my word for him. I hadn't mentioned Kira at all in the other concerts, and gave cryptic hints of my actual support for L. I wasn't afraid to express my opinion, since I was no criminal, and Kira wouldn't kill me for that.

But when those concerts were over, I knew I had to go back to the States. I didn't really want to, I wanted to stay where I could see L at moment's notice. Kouya had told me that the record company didn't have any more concerts planned after my return to the US, so… I stepped onto a train heading in the direction where his new HQ was, and sighed, sitting down on the hard seats. I received many a double take from the passengers, and someone even asked for my autograph, which I happily gave. I couldn't live in a hotel for the rest of my life that was for sure. And the fact that L was moving around so much didn't allow me to stay with him. I couldn't move around like he did, because that would draw unwanted attention to me, and someone could research someone else who had been moving around as much as I was. It wouldn't work like that…

Sighing, we passed by a residential area on the train, and I was struck with a sudden idea. "That's it!" I shouted, jumping up and knocking my backpack to the floor of the train. "That way I can stay with Ryuuzaki-kun!!"


	5. E is for Enigma

Chapter 5: E is for Enigma

Everyone watched me as I slowly sat back down, my epiphany better kept to myself. Of course, duh! I didn't have to leave Japan! I could go on a well deserved "break" from concerts and stay there with L until the case was over. I could just rent a flat and hang there for a while, and have L visit me whenever he could, or vice versa. I fidgeted in my train seat; eager to run this across him when I got back to the hotel he was staying at. He had changed hotels without any notice to me, but he had left a note in my room telling me which one and the room number he had gone to. I had burned that afterwards, so no one else knew.

I got off a stop early from my own hotel, and decided to find my dear friend L. I walked in and passed the secretary, looking for room number 702, on the seventh floor. I ascended on the elevator and glanced down the hallway, seeing his room as one of the first one. I could feel excitement run through me as I knocked on the wooden aperture, waiting for him to answer. It took a few moments, but the cuter police officer Matsuda opened it, and I questioned, "Would I be allowed to see Ryuuzaki-kun, Matsuda-san?"

"One moment…" He came back about five minutes later, looking apologetic. "He says no, sorry for making you come out all this way." The door was shut again, and I stared at it for a long while, confused. Maybe he had some important detective work going on and I wasn't allowed to see it? That would make sense, considering how he didn't want me involved in this investigation at all. I turned on heel and stalked down the hallway of the hotel, miffed. But I was surprised with my phone ringing, and I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked after not recognizing the number that was presented in my caller ID.

The voice replied, "Fall-san?" I grinned from ear to ear. It was L. "I apologize for not being able to speak with you as of now, but I do not trust you in here with a suspect I have for Kira."

I nodded, though he wouldn't have seen it. "I understand. It's dangerous, the work of a detective, ne?" I heard background voices talking to him, and he hung up after a very quick good-bye to me. I sighed, not knowing what to do with myself. Perhaps I could wait until he called me, probably just staying in the area if he felt like asking me to come visit him.

…**:oOo:…**

I wasn't far off in my assumption. Around nine o'clock that night I received a call from him again, and he requested my presence in his room. It didn't take that long because I was in a café right across the street from his hotel. I was there in record time. "Ryuuzaki-kun?" I questioned, opening the door. I heard his muffled voice call something to me, and I entered, following his voice into his living room. He glanced up at me, a set of tapes on the table before him, and motioned for me to sit down. Like usual, he was curled up on his chair with his knees pressed to his chest and his hands resting on them. My heartbeat sped up at the sight of him, and I felt happy to see him. Across from him was another young man, and I vaguely thought I knew him from somewhere before.

He had light brown hair and eyes, and he gave me a cordial smile as I sat down. I watched him for a moment, but I had no idea where I had seen him before. It was one of those people you can't forget, because of how nicely he was dressed and how good looking he was. I knew the face, just not where it was from. "Hello, you must be Fall Turner," he greeted me, holding his hand out for me to take. I shook it, and nodded. "I'm Yagami Raito, I just joined the task force recently to help Ryuuzaki-san and my father."

"Nice to meet you Raito-san," I smiled, retracting my hand and pulling at the edge of my tee-shirt. Was this the friend L was talking about that he suspected? I examined the teen for a moment. He was extremely handsome, I have to admit, but he was the exact opposite of L. He was straight and prim, whereas L was slouchy and messy. The contrast was almost hilarious. As if on sudden impulse, Raito, after saying goodbye to myself and L, left the suite and I watched him go, confused.

"I asked him to meet you before he left," L told me in explanation.

"Oh."

"Did you watch Sakura-TV a couple of days ago?" the sugar-addicted man voiced, right to the point, as per usual. I shook my head no. I hardly ever watched that spoof channel, because I didn't feel it was anything ever worth watching. "Well, on that channel, Kira delivered a message that he would like to join forces with the police to fight crime together. But during his message, to prove who he was, he killed two TV anchors and a member of my team." I was shocked, and it obviously showed on my face.

"Wait, how did he kill a member of your team if they've been using fake IDs?" I questioned, biting my lip. I know it was kind of selfish of me, but I hoped it wasn't Matsuda that was killed. He was a very good friend of mine now. "Did he find out their names? Did someone here leak information?!"

L shook his head and rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip. "It seems this one can kill knowing only a face."

"Impossible," I muttered, shaking my head. The second one can kill only knowing a face? That's…even worse! I watched L closely for a moment and breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad that Kira didn't know what he looked like; otherwise I might go into my own cardiac arrest. "So, if he knows what you look like, he can kill you, just like that?" The man nodded and I rested my chin in my palm, thinking hard. Then something struck me as strange. "But Kira wouldn't kill a news anchor to prove a point, he would kill a criminal. This is so unlike him. Could there be two Kiras?" L smiled at me, and nodded. Two…? "But the face thing, that's even worse than the original. And this one killed innocent people, too. That's inexcusable. The first Kira's probably angry about this."

L nodded. Obviously that was what he wanted to hear. "That's what we believe too. We think that by using Yagami-kun to pose as the first Kira we can get the second Kira to come out of hiding." I nodded. It made sense. The second one obviously idolized the first, so whatever the first one had to say they would listen and obey without hesitation. Raito-san would most likely do a good job impersonating Kira, because of his vast vocabulary and his ability to perceive what the killer might do or say.

Suddenly, I was curious. "Ryuuzaki-kun." He glanced at me. "Did you ever suspect me to be Kira?"

"At one point… it was less than one percent. Then a couple days later it went down to zero because I knew you could never murder somebody." He rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb and watched me for my answer to this.

I questioned, "What made you change your mind?"

"You're too kind, and it would kill you inside to know that you harmed a living creature." I blushed and turned away. At least he was honest about it, and I didn't mind, because it was his job to suspect people and rule them out like that. He leaned towards me and watched my red face for a moment before smiling. "Besides, someone who loves someone else like you do couldn't bear the thought of putting them in danger."

"Ry-Ryuuzaki-kun!" I stuttered in embarrassment, toppling backwards off my cushion and onto the floor. I clutched my head where it hit the wood paneling, rubbing at the sore spot. I glared at him and he smiled cutely, getting up from his chair and held his hand out to help me up. I took it begrudgingly, not letting go of my angry expression, though it seemed to only add to his good humor. I was not going to play along. "I'm not happy with you Ryuuzaki-kun."

"I would ask 'why not,' but my perceptive abilities are too good not to know," he replied and I rolled my eyes, pecking him on the cheek and going to get something to eat. "I don't want you to worry about the face thing," he told me suddenly, tapping his chin in thought. I glanced back to him in confusion. "Besides, we have already caught the suspect for the second Kira. That's why I didn't want you in here at that time."

"Caught him?"

"Her, actually." I blinked and tilted my head. "Amane Misa." That really took me by surprise, and I stared at him for a long time. How in the world did this all boil down to Misa-Misa? He stirred his tea and looked at me. "This is all very old news however, I'm just telling you now since there is a very little chance of Kira finding out that you know these things. I also wanted to explain something else to you."

He seemed so serious that I found my smile slipping away from me, and I furrowed my brow in worry. I hoped he wasn't going to tell me to never visit again, because I didn't think I could obey those wishes of his. I bit my lip. "What's that, Ryuuzaki-kun?"

He rubbed his bottom lip. "Raito-kun is determined to prove that he is not Kira, so he told me he is willing to be imprisoned for a year so we can watch him and verify whether or not he is the killer." I nodded, my head tilted. It seemed Raito was desperate to show to L that he was definitely not Kira, and I was glad. He didn't seem like the Kira type to me anyway. "So you will not be seeing much of me for the next year or so." My mouth dropped in shock. That was most definitely not what I was expecting.

"A year?!" I choked out, clutching my shirt. "Are you serious?" He seemed completely unperturbed by my outburst as he nodded, just continued to munch on his sweets. That irked me slightly, though I shouldn't have expected any more of a reaction from him than that. "Damn it," I complained, crossing my arms furiously. "And I had such good news to tell you, too!"

"Oh?" he asked, holding his cup up by the handle and letting the last few drops spill into his mouth. Setting the china down on its saucer he watched me intently to hear what I had to say. "What is it then?"

"I'm taking a vacation!" I cheered, shooting him the victory sign. "I decided that I'm tired from my World Tour and I'm go to be here in Japan on vacation. I decided to rent a flat down the street, central to all of the hotels in the Kanto prefecture so no matter where you move I'll be right there with you!" I was proud of my plan, but then something struck me as… kind of obsessive. I mean, why on earth would I want to stay around him for such a long period of time? I mean, it wasn't like I was in… I threw that thought from my head and tried not to blush. That was completely absurd. Of course I didn't… I watched him for a moment as he rocked back and forth in that adorable position of his and I gulped. Whenever I saw him… my heart beat faster, I recognized that before. But now I know why!

_I_ am! _I'm so stupid! This isn't supposed to happen!_

His voice broke through my thoughts, "Fall-san, just remember, don't come unless I call for you." I nodded, jumping out of my seat.

"I-I just remembered," I lied, waving my hand in the air. "I'd forgotten to tell Kouya-san about my plan, she's my manager and needs to know. I'll see you later, Ryuuzaki-kun." I kissed his cheek and ran out the door, my own cheeks flaming red.

I vaguely heard him reply, "Good-bye, Fall-san." Man, I really was stupid, because I had run out on the last time I'd probably see him for a long time, and I left him without a really good reason why. He'd probably seen right through me too, because you don't become the number one detective in the world for nothing. When I got to the bottom floor, I spotted Matsuda-san and the rest of the task force, and slowed down to talk to them.

"This is probably the last time I'll see you guys for awhile," I told them as I approached giving them all a half smile. "So… good-bye, guys." I waved to the ones I didn't know very well, and gave Matsuda-san a kiss on the cheek. "Catch ya on the flip side!"

Later, I would find out that Matsuda would walk into L's room and see that the detective had an identical mark on his own cheek.


	6. F is for Fallen For

Gomen, this took quite awhile. I hope you will not hold this against me and review anyway ; ;.

Chapter 6: F is for Fallen - One Year Time Gap

For the next year I saw little or nothing of L, as he predicted would be the case. I didn't know why, or what was going on, but he refused to tell me anything during our phone conversations. In fact, I didn't see anything of Matsuda-san or Raito-san either. I was really starting to miss my friends dearly, and I felt isolated without them. I did end up renting that flat, which is where I lived for that whole time, but it seemed strangely empty. Probably because I lived all alone, and my love for L didn't get cut off by separation or lack contact with him. I was kind of miserable, I suppose, but I lived for the day about once a month when he would be willing to see me.

That's how I made it through until the next time. I was a hopeless case, I knew. In fact, I tried to forget about L. It worked for a while, and then he's call me and then I'd have to start all over again. It was kind of ridiculous, and I kept getting nagged by my record company to do some more concerts. But I really wasn't in the mood, and I haven't been since the day L decided he was going to watch Raito in jail.

But today, the ninth month of Raito-san's imprisonment, L decided to come visit me at my flat, like he promised. I was so excited I couldn't find an activity to keep me occupied until he arrived.

Hurriedly shoving my crochet under the couch, I glanced up as my friend entered the room, the bags under his eyes even more prominent than usual. Smiling, I told him, "Wait right there, I have a surprise for you." He blinked and I waved as I ran into the kitchen pulling my gift from the refrigerator. I spent forever baking and decorating this thing, so I hoped he liked it. I even decided to get some strawberries for it! "Okay, close your eyes!"

I went back out into the living room and saw he had curled up into his favorite chair, his knees to his chest and his toes wiggling in impatience. I carefully set the cake on the table before him, and patted his arm, waiting to see his reaction. He opened his black eyes and I smiled when he did. "Did you bake this for me?" he questioned, eyeing the confection in obvious delight.

I put a fork in his hand and handed him a slice on a paper plate. "All for you."

He took another plate from the pile and set another piece on it, holding it out for me to take. His fork hung from his mouth as he held it out with both hands towards me. "Fall-san should have some too, then."

"But I…" His expression was insistent, and I took the plate and pulled another fork from the basket on the table. "I hope you enjoy it Ryuuzaki-kun." He smiled an adorable smile and took a big bite. I was still surprised at the amount of sweets L could consume and not get extremely fat. In fact, he was terribly underweight, which might be from this whole Kira affair, the stress and all, or burning calories… with his brain? L couldn't tell me anything about it, well, wouldn't actually. He told me that if I knew anything more than what the media gave out, I could be targeted and killed by the mysterious man as well. But I worried day in and day out for him, and he had absolutely no reason whatsoever to worry about me. I had no idea why he did. He was the top investigator against Kira and could be murdered any day now, and here I was, watching all of this happen from the sidelines!

I suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore, and I lowered the piece I had been about to put in my mouth to my plate. The worried knot in my stomach tightened even more at the very thought of him… ceasing to exist. The world would be a darker place without him; my world at least. I bit my lip. How would I survive without him coming to visit me, sitting in the adorable way, and eating all of my confections? I would miss all of his crazy quirks. Like his intense dislike for socks, his intelligence, and his ability to remember where I put my wallet when I lost it. I couldn't go on without him, I knew. Because… well it was kind of obvious, I think. He was my best friend after all. At least that's what I would keep telling myself, until I was a stronger person and I could admit the truth.

"Fall-san." I glanced up and saw L watching me with his thumb pressed against his teeth, two slices already eaten. "Why are you crying?" I blinked and pressed a hand to my cheek, and was shocked when I felt they were wet.

Swallowing hard I told him, using the code that we had set up months ago when he decided to take up occasional residence here, "I'm afraid that Ryuuzaki-kun is going to fail his test to get into college." I bit my lip harder and tasted blood dripping into my mouth. "It makes me sad to think that you studied so hard only to get to the crucial moment and… fail. I don't want to see your dreams die." I could barely choke out the last word because saying it made the whole situation seem that much more real. I felt the knot tighten in my stomach again. "One mess up could cost you the whole exam."

L stood up and took a piece of cloth from his pocket and stood before me, holding it delicately as if were to break if he held it any other way. I didn't see him holding it out for me too take, too blinded by my fear, and I didn't even know he was standing there until I felt the soft cloth on my skin. "Fall-san needs to stop worrying. I will past the test, though there will be lots of studying and roadblocks along the way. Hard work always pays off remember."

I sighed. "Yes." I didn't really believe it, of course. L had to pick the most dangerous job in the world didn't he? And the most dangerous person to investigate, a cold-blooded killer that might murder him at any moment. "But don't **you** forget, Ryuuzaki-kun." My tone, strange even to me, obviously caught his attention because he looked at me with slight worry in his eyes. "If you fail that test, my confidence will be shattered. Because if you can't do well how can I possibly? I will most definitely have a failure of a concert."

The message was easy enough to understand. _If you die, my heart will be broken. If you're gone how can I possibly live? I will most definitely die too._

L's eyes widened ephemerally and his expression and voice seemed slightly strained. "Fall-san has a stronger will for disappointment than I do. If I don't pass the test, it won't affect you at all. You'll perform with flying colors, like always." It seemed like such a normal conversation, even L's changing expressions were only apparent in my eyes after knowing him for so long. He tone seemed to be begging, begging me not to twist and twine my fate with his. And I just couldn't do that.

"But I don't want to pass if you don't. It'll make me feel bad, like I'm bragging. I'll feel mean." I pouted to add to the effect, but L could never know the turmoil I was feeling right then. Could I live without him? I didn't think so. L was my world, and I lived to aid him wherever I could, even though he couldn't tell me anything too important or secret. Always. I whispered, so softly that no one could possibly have heard even if they were listening, "Life gives no second chances."

He replied in an equally quiet voice, "And a second chance is not needed if you live to the fullest in the first one." With that he turned and sat back in his chair, taking anther piece of cake and munching on it. I frowned and picked up my own eating utensil. L understood completely, like usual. He knew I was in love with him, and even though he didn't return my feelings, he was kind enough to not want me to suffer when he dies. _**If** he dies_, I reminded myself. I refused to think of him dying. I wouldn't let it happen. I would die before I would let anyone harm a single hair on his head.

"All righty then, Ryuuzaki-kun," I told him, trying to act as cheerful as possible. "Would you like something to drink?" He smiled and nodded, following me into the kitchen after downing the rest of his third slice of cake. "Well, I didn't know when exactly you were coming, so I don't have many sweet things, but I do have tea, and a lot of sugar cubes. How's that?" I opened the door to my refrigerator in case there might be something else in there.

He didn't reply and I was about to turn around, but I felt his chin on my shoulder, looking into the fridge with his naturally wide eyes. "Hmm," he mumbled, pressing a hand to his mouth and looking at the contents of my cooling unit interestedly. "Tea sounds tasty, but I know something that is a lot sweeter."

"Like?" I turned to look at him and I saw he head tilted his had in my direction, and I accidentally brushed my lips to his nose. I blushed madly and back away, but L stood in the same haphazard position, as if he was still setting his chin on my shoulder. He looked slightly surprised, like he hadn't been in such close contact with anyone before. Which he probably hasn't, I realized. "Er, sorry."

L blinked, looking like he was contemplating something important. "Does Fall-san love me?" I sweat-dropped. Obviously not that important…

"Huh? I thought you knew the answer to **that** already."

"I'm only 97 percent sure. That's not 100. If you tell me, then I'll know for sure." I felt my throat tighten. Did I really want to tell him the truth? And he didn't specify which way his 97 went. It could be a yes, it could be a no, and I couldn't tell for certain. But he'd most definitely know if I lied about it, he knew me way too well. He wasn't the world's number one detective nothing.

Biting my bottom lip, I watched his face for a moment, his innocent, childlike expression breaking down my will. Should I…? Shouldn't I…? Finally, after a moment of silence, I whispered, "…yes." He nodded and, opening my pantry, took a packet of tea and the bowl of sugar cubes from inside and walked over to the cabinet to get a couple of teacups. I felt a little lighter from my confession, but then something else filled that little space. Sadness. I loved L; I have since we lived at the orphanage, but he would never return those feelings. He was too good at his job, and he needed to keep his emotions under check to retain a level head. I understood that, and I didn't care. As long as we were friends, I was cool. I smiled. Yeah, I was cool.

"Fall-san, would you like some?" He held the cups up carefully by their handles, making me wary about the possibility of dropping them, and I nodded. He began making tea and I sat back into the living room, pulling my legs to my chest very similar to the way L does. But for him it's a habit, for me it's my way to show that I'm trying to be reclusive. Plus, I bet he does it way cuter than I do. I heard him clink the cup down on the table and I smiled at him gratefully, taking it and sipping a little.

I smiled at him. "Thank you Ryuuzaki-kun." I watched as he put enough cubes into his own so that the tea wasn't visible anymore, and followed suit, though only with three. I was planning on letting the subject drop, but my curiosity got the better of me. "May I ask you something?"

He smiled. "You just did, but you can ask me something else." I watched him for a moment, sitting in that comfortable position on the blue floral patterned armchair. It all seemed so familiar, like this would never go away no matter what that bastard Kira did with his time. I hate that man so much, if I could kill him, I would.

"When Ryuuzaki-kun said 97, did you mean you were 97 sure that I **did** love you or 97 sure that I **didn't**?" He set his teacup on the coaster and looked at me for a long moment. He looked like he was evaluating something, but I supposed he was trying to decide whether or not to tell me.

"It wasn't about Fall-san," he told me simply, his eyes darting to fix on the brown tea in his cup. That surprised me a little, because I had no idea what he was talking about now. He added when his sentence was met with my silence, "It was about me."

"You?"

"Mm-hmm. But that's enough questions now. Let's enjoy our tea, and our time together."

An hour later he told me he had to leave, that the task team would need him back to get right on working against Kira. My worry and emotions getting the better of me, I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, not ever wanting to let him go and get himself hurt. "Be careful, L," I whispered so quietly that I could barely hear it myself.

"I will Fall." Then he left and I felt tears spring in my eyes. I didn't want anything bad to happen to L, ever. I wanted to keep him wrapped in a safe, protective bubble, free from having to hunt Kira down, or putting himself in any danger. It was entirely selfish I knew, but I couldn't stand to see him get hurt, or die. I turned back to the mess he had made and chuckled slightly. I love that man to death, but he is such a huge slob whenever he comes over.

When I finished cleaning up the clutter, I decided I was going to change into pajamas and watch a few movies until bedtime. But when I pulled my jeans off however, I heard a piece of paper crinkling in my back pocket. Confused, I fished it out, and opened it carefully, confused. As I read it, I laughed heartily, and felt tears really drip down my cheeks now. I took the sheet and placed it under my pillow for safekeeping, because that was one thing I would never want to forget.

_97 percent sure I care for Fall-san. 3 percent unsure I care for Fall-san. My suspicions will never have existed if she doesn't care for me._


End file.
